You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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