how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Also, beer. Big fan.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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