I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
