we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
