I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
