I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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