just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
