smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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