I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
