I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
