Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
