I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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