I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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