about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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