New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
