I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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