Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I smell like Dick and happiness
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
