thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
