Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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