I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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