this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
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He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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