Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
