This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
