I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
