What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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