Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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