fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
