Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
