you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
