I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
