When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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