i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
