so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
