why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
