umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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