I wanna bring you to show and tell
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
