I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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