Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
