Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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