I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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