note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
