I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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