It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
