i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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