I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
