do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
