i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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