You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
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Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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