mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
