Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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