Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
