Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
