Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize