if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize