i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
