I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
