I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
