I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
