Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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