Sober January is a disaster.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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