People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
