your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
