I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
